Well, it’s been a bit longer than normal since my last letter, so I had better catch up with events since! Well, the last mail should have been Friday 25th May, but, as regular readers will know, I actually flew to England on the 24th. Of course, I never mentioned it, as I wanted to surprise a good friend, and surprise her I did! In fact, I even called her from outside her place using my Trini mobile, so she would think I was in Trinidad, not in Edgware… Actually, the nicest comment was from her kids, who were delighted to see me. From the beach in Tobago I had some small wee gifts for her and kids. Apparently her oldest loves the Bob Marley T-Shirt, and some of the little knick-knacks. So cool!
Actually, it was a lovely day, put the roof down on the Saab, and, naturally, the kid loved it! Kids love convertibles! Maybe that’s why I always wanted one? However, in the end, V’ga was sold back to Saab. Ironically, it was 2 years and 1 day (or thereabouts) since I agreed to buy her. Then, the list price was 29k. Now, the re-purchase price (in perfect condition) is 15k. They gave me an extra 500 Pounds, as compensation for the hardship of having her every month in the garage. She had her revenge though, the unlock button on the door stop working, entrapping me in the car. Maybe V’ga didn’t want me to leave her? I also had an extra 105 Pounds, as they agreed to change the plates for free, hence the unusual price of 15,605 for the car.
So, I’m carless. No Saab, no convertible, but also no repayments, or worrying about the thing. Feels slightly peculiar actually. Not sure what I’ll get when I get back. Did have a look at older DB7’s, and spoke to an Aston Martin owner at T-Mobile, who told me a few home truths. Depreciation isn’t so much the problem as the servicing. Some parts need regular replacement, and the costs do rather mount up. Explains maybe why they’re cheap? On the other hand, if the Saab turned girl’s heads in Hampstead (and it did), I wonder what an Aston Martin would do?
Anyway, moving, yes, T-Mobile. It was great to pop in, and see the crew. A few changes here and there, but much the same as I left. I did notice that my old desk was still vacant, opposite the wall. Sometimes, sitting there, I felt like Shirely Valentine, with her monologues to ‘Wall’. I wish I’d had more time there, and I feel guilty that I wasn’t able to stay and chat with Dennis, as he’s a great chap, and we’ve had some interesting, and intriguining, talks in the past. On the other hand, I was able to fix a problem that they were having in moments with a model I wrote at T-Mobile last year. So, all to the greater good.
Other than that, in England, I sorted a few bits out, cancelled a couple of credit cards, and my IKEA card. I really really don’t like IKEA. They’re attitude is like Tesco, let’s fleece the customer. Charging for using a credit card, charging for this, charging for that. There again, I dumped my shopping at Tesco, when I was there. Yes, I’m a militant shopper, and proud of it! At Tesco, they told me I need to use the self-service till. I told them to stuff it, and that I’m not going to it all myself. Actually, self-service tills are cool in a way, because they often don’t charge for everything. I once realised I wasn’t charged for a book. Oh well, consider it payment for me doing all the work. Still, in this instance, I told them no, dumped my shopping, and told them why. Well, they closed all the tills at 23:00. Actually, I don’t like the way that Tesco’s have a deal with DVLA to know your details, from your car, so they can charge you. Not sporting, not gentlemanly. I’d love to organise a mass protest at Tesco’s Watford. I know how I’d do it. Get 1000 equally upset people to drive into Tesco’s. Each buys one item, say, a newspaper, and leaves their car for 3 hours. This will mean that the carpark, which is normally at capacity, will overflow. People, unable to park, will drive on. Result, they lose tens thousands. Well, I can dream on…
Actually, it was amazing to see people using, or unusing, the self-service tills. Really, people have such difficulty with those things, and then there’s that bloody voice command thing! Douglas Adams was ahead of his time. Those ‘friendly artificial personality machines’ he predicted are here! Actually, he was a great thinker and philosopher. Anyway, the queues were amazing. I was at Tesco’s Watford with a friend. Took her almost an hour to get through the machine! Actually, at one point, the machine swallowed her voucher, without recognising it. I rather surprised the English by hollering loudly for assistance. Had some looks, but we were seen to quickly. Reminds me of the time I went to Comet in Mill Hill with my mother, and no one served us. I shouted out for service. Three people came!
Maybe people should learn to use their voice more. For 15 years I’ve bought shoes at Magnus shoes in Hampstead. However, since I was whacked by a clamp in Camden (see my letter recently to the Camden New Journal), I’ve been conducting a Boycott of shops in Camden, at least, during parking hours (it would be total, but my favourite Indian is in Primrose Hill, one must make some allowances).
Oh, OK, drifting off subject here, but yes, Osher is not someone to take things lying down, and maybe I should. See the story of me in Passport Control…
Hmmm, England, well, I saw the lads in the model shop, did some modelling, went to the modelling club, and, didn’t quite finish the models I bought. Still, had a good time, so that’s the main thing. Just a real pity I didn’t see everyone. I really wanted to, and there’s one girl in particular who I wanted to meet, but suddenly found myself out of time.
Anyway, enough of England, politics, and friends, Trinidad! Well, discovered quite by accident that a mate from Digicel and I were on the same flight to London. We took the Thursday nightflight, which is the same aircraft, from Tobago, to Trinidad, to Barbados, to Gatwick. I boarded in Trinidad, we then stopped in Barbados for almost an hour, and then straight over to England.
Now, something about Trinis is that they love music. Whereever you go in Trinidad, there’s music. It’s a sort of ‘opiate for the masses’, almost. I almost get the feelings that Trinis would rather give up eyesight than hearing. As if, they can’t function without music. So, on the aircraft over, the woman in front of me annoyed me by instantly putting her seat back. Not that it went into my chest, but, why instantly? However, what I found interesting was that she was quite happy to sit there for hours, so long as she had music. A refined woman, an executive, swaying away to her headphones, and gently humming. Hmmm, interesting.
Something else about Trinis, and in this they’re a lot like the Israelis, is that they are resourceful. Yes, they carried food onto the flight. Loaves of bread I saw in one bag, whilst across the isle from me, this woman came on board with her take-away Church’s Chicken (like KFC). OK, so Trini’s love their chicken, but to take a whole box onto the aircraft? Oh well, she enjoyed it. Flew BA. Seats were fine, belt enough for me, and the food was OK. Recommended! At least I knew why the cabin crew we had on take off were happy; they were only going as far as Barados. Pity, two of them near me were hotties. Ah well, maybe just as well.
Whilst queuing to go into the gate area, but inside duty free, this American chap was talking about how money he has, and his new BMW X5 (if I recall). Anyway, I just smiled, and went through after him, the x-ray machine. As I took my stuff, I noticed he left a carton of Marlboro Light behind. Now, a good friend of mine told me not to buy her husband cigarettes, so I hadn’t. I did though take the carton, to give to the man. I didn’t see him though before mid-way across the Atlantic. He was being all beligerant to the staff. I could have got up, found the carton, and given it to him. Yet, I realised, it could backfire, so I stayed put, and let Karma do it work instead.
One thing that annoys me in Trinidad is that people do things slowly. They even walk slowly! Seriously, go anywhere in Trinidad and the word fast doesn’t exist (except for some drivers). Everything is done so slowly, you sometimes wonder if it’s being done just to annoy you. Try it! You’ll be amazed. However, when seats are being called for the gate, you want to buy a bottle of water, and the staff are acting like buying something is unique that’s never happened before… Yep, sometime very frustrating!
Now, I’ve mentioned before about Trini drivers, and how they attempt to attain warp speed down the Western Main Road, whilst conducting manoevers that would make Lewis Hamilton proud. However, I saw something, just before I left, that would leave most drivers gasping. I had to visit a dealer in Port of Spain. It was annoying because the staff were acting like their brain cells were amoebe level, when I discovered that actually, they were intelligent. What was it? Well, there was a parking lot. OK, we have them everywhere. In this parking lot, there were 2 drivers, to squeeze the cars in. OK, not many of those in London, but, good idea. So, I needed the car, to leave. The two boys needed to move a few cars, to get mine out. Maybe because I had a lovely girl with me, or maybe for fun, but they were chucking the cars around with seemingly wild abandon. I’m talking about 20mph, in reverse, missing other cars by an inch, or less. It was mad, bad, crazy driving. Excellent carmanship, yes, but completely off the wall!
Speaking of this lovely girl, two of them took me out for my birthday, and bought me a lovely present. Very sweet. Naturally, both of them were expecting me to regal them with tales of this girl, and that girl. Trinis love nothing more than to lime, and to gossip and this relationship or that one. They might seem all conservative on the surface, but under it, they’re worse than the English! Yep, down and dirty very quickly. That’s the Trini way. It’s cool, I don’t mind!
So, I was going to mention Passport Control. Well, on the way back, the flight was on time to Barbados, but this time, had to change flights. In typical Caribbean confusion, a bloke, calling out, over the noise of the engines, for passengers for Trinidad to wait. I’m sure a few wandered past, but never mind. So, our onward flight was delayed. OK, it’s BWIA, or now called Caribbean Airways, and it’s to be expected. Had a nice flight, sold some people on Digicel (as one does), and met up with the English businessman. So, the two of us left the airport secure area, and into Barbados. Looks the same as Trinidad, just a different local beer (and the locals think they’re superior). Anyway, 5 beers a piece each, and slightly inebriated, back to the airport.
In the Caribbean, many things are secrets. One of them is where to find food in Barbados airport. Caribs joke about the way they give directions. Everything is ‘jus over deh’. Two men, both intelligent. One a lawyer, one an acocuntant. Took them 15 minutes to find the food in Barbados airport. What’s more of a joke is that it’s tiny, say, the size of the World shop in Heathrow… Oh well, a few wraps later, and guess what, yes, more delays. Then they began to look for 3, er, victims, to bump off. Well boarded, and were told a 10 minute wait. Then later, a 10 minute wait. Later still… Finally, we found out the truth, a delegation of Chinese were coming in from Suriname, and rather than have a later flight, they bumped 3 people, and delayed us, so the Chinese could board. Passengers were not pleased. Still, had quite a few in stitches when I called the taxi, and told them that Caribbean Airlines is now Farcial Airlines…
Before I get onto the story of Passport Control, or how Osher started a fight in Trinidad, I must relate the story of my earlier trip. When leaving home at 07:30am, ripped my trousers, so, quick change for some new ones. My mother had to drive as I had downed some Absinthe with the owner of a bar in Watford. Very nice, but, not ideal for driving. Made Victoria quickly, and with 1 minute to spare, if that, onto the Gatwick Express. Full of half sleeping English, and some Americans who commented on rotary airiators. Seems they’re rare in America. Noticed a girl, a few seats back, facing me, who had dropped off, and in doing so, had exposed really rather more than she intended to from her blouse. Wouldn’t even have noticed, except the colour contrast (do I need to explain?) was intense, especially as she had pale skin, and obviously not wearing a bra (not that she needed to, at all). OK, didn’t say a word, and she never noticed. As such, no embaressment, as she never knew. Does rather beg the question? Would you rather know, or would you rather stay in ignorance?
Now, flying to Trinidad, my two bags weighed 120 Kg (or 250 Ibs in proper measurements). Going back, very light, and so easier. However…never doubt the ability of Gatwick to screw things up. Yes, it seems the day before they had installed a new baggage carrying system, and it had already broken down. Ah yes, queues. The English are used to them, we actually think we invented them. Oh well, a long wait later, and finally, into Duty Free. Had a flutter on a car (waiting to see if I won), and bought some Carolina Herrera 212. It’s ‘my’ aftershave. I do use some others from time to time, but that’s my standby, my regular one. Not so easy to get, except in larger places though.
Well, many adventures later, and I’m in Trinidad. I have an unnverving ability to chose the wrong queue, so, 45 minutes later, I’m still waiting to go through passport control. Jim, the businessman, was through in 10 minutes. Emma, a colleague, arrived on a later flight, but was through before me. Oh well, it happens, but there I am, 3 people from the end, and this local goes to the front. He comes in from another queue, and just walks to the front of ours. A Scottish bloke behind me called out, but he ignored him. Other passengers were muttering, but I took action. I went upto him, and called to him, but he ignored me. So, I tapped him on the shoulder, and told him to go back to his line. Well…he took great umbrige to that. The guy was telling me not to touch him. I told him I had just tapped him, and he shouldn’t queue jump. He started to make noises, started to say he was going to get me. I replied that he could do it here, with that policeman (actually, there wasn’t one) over there. He gave up, and went back to his line, making noises about getting me outside. I just ignored him. Naturally, I was the hero of the others in my line! Who’d have though it, Osher standing up to bullies?!
Anyway, my birthday was last week, and the office bought me chocolate cake. I know, not polite, but I had to admit that I don’t like chocolate cake! Can’t stand it actually. Oh well, they all had more! Nice of them though. Very touched
Actually, I touched one of the girls at work. Er, well, what I mean is, I told her that I always liked her sophisticated outfits (she’s one of the managers), and that you can tell she’s above most people in the office (she’s one of the 4 managers in Finance, including me). She was really touched, and told me that she makes an effort, as she thinks a manager should be someone to aspire to. Good attitude! Just a pity I find it difficult to get my head in her car. She drives a Renault Megane.
On my first day back, reported car stolen. Seems HR borrowed it (fine, they’re allowed to), and took it from my apartment complex. However, they didn’t tell me, or security… Lovely welcome back to work in Trinidad! No problem with the guards now at the gates, I just wave, and they let me through; whilst at work we’re upto 3 working lifts. Not bad. As for shoes, well, I mentioned Magnus shoes? You see, I take a rather large size, not so easy. However, found a shop in Kenton, with parking, and bought 2 pairs. Lovely! One pair is so nice to wear, you almost the forget they’re on your feet.
OK, well, well done for reaching the bottom of the letter! Bit long, but, a lot to catch up on! There is some more information, but I can’t talk about it just yet. Will be in Friday’s broadcast.
TTFN!
Osher
