It’s funny, a fortnight ago things were in flux, but I sort of knew where I was going. Now, suddenly, so many balls are in the air. Well, this was this girl, and yes, whenever I commence a tale of myself, there’s always a girl around! However, there was this girl, but, sadly, it seems, that before we’ve even met, it’s looking likely we’re, well, not going to meet. Yes, I agree, garbled English, but I believe it conveys adequately how things are. I met her, as I meet most girl, on JDate, and she is, really, quite fine, being witty, intelligent, fun, world-wise, and, from what I’ve seen, quite good looking too. There were some issues, none insurmountable, bar one, and that one is one, i.e. me.
Frankly, I’m not in the correct frame of mind, for a number of reasons. Quite what they are is not something I’m going to discuss in great depth, except that a major cause is work, which I’ll come onto in a moment. Right now is the time of reflection, and introspection. It’s looking into oneself, to find the answer to enable progression.
A few weeks ago, when my contract was coming to an end at the holiday company I worked for, I was asked to stay on, but I refused. I knew I needed time off, that I was tired. I guess I’m still tired, but a lot less than I was then. What I have been able to do, during this time off, was to look at myself, from different eyes. I realised a few things, and given myself the wherewithal to progress onwards. Somehow, I knew I needed this. What this means is that I’m moving forward, and getting ready for more work.
Financially things will be tight, but I should be OK. I’ve changed what I’m looking for, both in terms of money (I’m considering roles I’d previously thought too junior), but also changing emphasis, looking for more ability to progress, both in terms of career, and myself. In other words, I’ve learnt a lot about where I am, and where I’m going.
To bring it back to girls, to finish on that lovely note, I’ve realised that I’m not ready for a relationship, even though I know a couple of girls who I’d love to date, and they, I think would like to be dated, by me. One other thing I’ve done is to stop flapping about with girls where the connection is more physical, than anything else. I had, and it pains me, to change my relationship with, well, more than one, because I realised I saw her just in terms of what I could get from her (which was on offer). I haven’t turned celibate, just realising I’m not ready for a relationship, and yet not happy for sex sans love. A frustrating dichotomy!
